TransCarolina.Org

Sep 27

Written by:
Sunday, September 27, 2009 6:58:25 PM 

 

We are Transgender

By Janice Covington

 

Since I came out in 1969, I have experienced about everything a Transgender can experience, but this is not about me.  Most transgenders can remember back to childhood when they first experienced the urge to be the opposite gender. They remember they were different from other children their own age. Some experimented based on these feelings. They wore mom’s heels or nylons, or played dress up with a sister or a friend. Many female-to-male transgenders remember being interested in and wanting to be involved with boy games and activities like contact sports. Some expressed feeling out of place wearing famine attire.

 

Many in our society can remember the other children would taunt them when attending school, because they did not fit in. Many transgender, bisexual, lesbian and gay children can remember being ostracized and assaulted. They watched with hurt in their eyes while teachers would turn their backs, not wanting to get involved, either because they did not understand or were bigots themselves. As a result, the negative toll is unimaginable among these children, and causes a feeling of distance from others. Many of our brothers and sisters did not make it to adulthood because of the unbearable mental pain these atrocities caused.

 

Today many states are approving an anti school violence act, better known as a bulling act. A bill like this requires the teacher and the school system to be responsible educators. As well, it would require the teacher to not ignore the safety of a child, regardless of whether or not they want to be involved. In my opinion, the school system is where hate crimes and bigotry are born and can be fought. The school system is fertile ground for the young people of our country to learn love and respect. It is where we should teach our young that discrimination, hate and bigotry are wrong, and that they can cause much unintended harm. It is where we should teach that everyone has the right to be who they are without persecution. This must happen, not only with the teacher and the school system, but also at home with the parents.

 

I believe the biggest fear to the new and old transgender is coming out to family and friends. Family members, in many instances, reject the notion that their son or daughter is presenting as the opposite sex.. Many times family members accept their son or daughter, but just as many times, they reject them as a family embarrassment. Their reasons are many, not unlike the reasons many lesbian, gay and bisexual men and women are rejected by family when they come out. This rejection is sometimes devastating. Too many transgenders turn to suicide, either because they feel like they are an abomination, or the rejection is too much to bear psychologically. I feel this is not the right course of action! There are always other alternatives. Sometimes we have to be strong with our convictions. Our decision to face ourselves and others takes a lot of courage, so please don’t take the easy way out; there is hope on the horizon!

 

When I was eleven years old, the school nurse, after an examination for school sports, sent me home with a note instructing my parents to take me to the family doctor. I was not aware as to why. My father and I visited Dr Squires, our family doctor, one evening after he arrived home from work. After the examination, I can remember the doctor saying to my father that I was not developing exactly as a boy my age should. He instructed my father to bring me in to his office twice a week for testosterone injections. After about a month of receiving the testosterone, my father changed; he began to verbally and physically abuse me. When he would come home from work, he would order me to the basement.  There, he would beat me with a thick black rubber hose, because I was devolving as a girl and not as the boy he wanted. The pain was unbearable, both physically and mentally! I did not understand. After several trips to the basement, my mother could not stand my screams anymore. She told my father that if he touched me again, she would kill him in his sleep. He never beat me again. The mental pain these beating caused is still with me today. I never forgave him, even at his grave, because he never said he was sorry.

 

Another fear a transgender has about coming out for the first time, is acceptance. They fear the loss of acceptance, not only from family, but also the general public [mainstream]. The question many transgenders ask is, “Do I pass?”  Passing seems to be one of the more important priorities and concerns to the individual transgender. I feel passing is important, but being yourself is more so. The main thing to do is dress cleanly and respectfully for the gender which you are presenting. Carry yourself with pride and dignity. Never look at others like you are guilty of anything. Be proud.  Being clocked is not a big deal in most instances, but always keep a vigilant eye out for someone who could hurt you. Always avoid a confrontation if you can, but never cower to immediate danger. If you can, run like hell. If you can’t, make a stand, and be proud, I would.

 

We lobby everyday for the passing of the Mathew Shepard Act, also known as the “Hate Crimes Bill”. We finally gained ground with the bill passing in Congress, and then the US Senate. This happened with no help from the likes of Congresswoman Virginia Fox, of the 5^th congressional district of North Carolina. The bill now awaits the signature of President Obama. We anticipate him signing this bill, because of his campaign promises and apparent support for the LGBT community.

 

Too many times, we hear of a brother or sister transgender losing their job because of discrimination and bigotry in the work place. As a result, to the transgender, the fear of homelessness comes into the equation. The idea of resorting to a shelter or living on the street is just unbearable! Believe me, this is not the end. I have been there myself. Some resort to prostitution. Prostitution is not only illegal and can land you in jail, but it can also cause you to lose your life, either through a hate crime, or by sexually transmitted infections.

 

Our salvation is coming soon with the expected passing of the Employment Non Discrimination Act, [ENDA] as projected by the Human Rights Campaign for the fall of 2009.  This will include both gender identity and sexual orientation. I feel, in the beginning, it will deter discrimination but not eradicate it completely. I also feel that in time, with the new ENDA bill, discrimination will fade into the past. This chance for our right to be finally accepted by the mainstream, as well as the federal and state governments, will be a beacon for our survival in the future.

 

The core purpose of a transgender is to become the person they truly are. Some want to live full time as a non op, pre op and post op transsexual. This is an individual’s choice. Some start hormonal replacement therapy. For those of you who do this, make sure you see an endocrinologist, rather than self medicate. Some MTF’s [male to female transgenders] start their transition with body altering hormones, such as Estrogen, along with testosterone blockers like Spironolactone. Some transgenders even opt for full sexual reassignment surgery. The FTM [female to male] transgender uses testosterone to achieve muscle, body hair, and a deeper voice. Some seek mastectomies along with other body altering surgeries. Regardless of your choice, be under a doctor’s care. Only a fool is their own doctor! There are many ramifications and effects that you can experience, such as blood clots and irreversible damage to your system. Ordering a medication from overseas can be very dangerous! I have heard many stories of people receiving something other than what was advertised. These medications are not regulated, so there is no telling what you are getting. With the right dosage and care, you will develop nicely. Take your time, and do it right.

 

Many transgenders live in stealth, not wanting others to know who they are, for reasons of privacy. This is a choice of the individual. Many have the luxury of passing with no problem. For the rest of us, we are not so lucky. We go day to day, being clocked when shopping or eating in a restaurant. When this happens, I just ignore them, and go about by business. Here is a short story for you that is related to this topic: About three years ago, two friends and I decided to go out to a restaurant to eat before our night out at the club. My friends went in to get a table, while I parked the car. When I entered the restaurant, I sat down, and kind of chuckled, because the restaurant was full of apparently straight people. I asked my friend on the left if anyone looked at her when she came in. She said yes; that several couples had stared at her. I then asked the other the same question. She said she had had some lookers also. I sat there for a few minutes before they asked me the same question. I laughed.  I said no, I did not see anyone looking, because I did not look. lol

 

 

I have met many gays, lesbians, and bisexuals who question us, because they don’t understand. I have overheard some making snide comments as I pass. I sometimes stop and ask why they would make such a reference. Many times they just answer that this is all they knew, and they did not think it was wrong. Many apologize to me, and then ask questions of me, because they want to learn about us.  I have sat with as many as fifteen gay, lesbian, and bisexual people, and explained that we are not simply “a man in a dress”. I try to educate and explain to them that we are transgenders. We are born that way, much the same as they are born gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Our birth is not a sickness, and we are proud to be transgender.

 

The black and white concept is not always the norm. There are many gray areas in gender makeup. Because we don’t fit into the heterosexually dominant society, many think we can be cured by treatment. Many say it is a choice to be transgender. I beg to differ! We are transgender not by choice, but by birth. We are a part of a society that has been around for hundreds of years. Since Alexander the Great, who himself had several transgender lovers! Our sexual orientation is a completely separate issue.  Like the rest of society, some transgenders identify as straight, some as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. To understand this, you must first understand us as transgender.

 

I hope what I have said in this article will help our community understand the struggles of a transgender, and who we are. The future is bright for the entire LGBT community with the passing of the Matthew Shepard Act and the pending Employment Non Discrimination Act. I feel that in the future, we will experience our rights as American citizens; to be able to marry with the repeal of legislation like Proposition 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act, and to be able to live in harmony with our brothers and sisters of the heterosexual community.  I feel in my heart this will be a reality.